This blog, Konna Kimochi de Iraretara — loosely, “If Only I Could Keep Feeling This Way,” or simply Kon-kimo — began on September 9, 2007. Today, it enters its twentieth year.
Over the years, writing here has become almost as natural to me as breathing. Yet there were times when I could barely write at all, and times when I simply did not want to. Longtime readers may remember those periods. Somehow, with encouragement from many people, I kept going.
So what have I really been writing about all these years? And what has this blog given me — or perhaps taken away from me?
Looking back, I find myself returning to one simple idea that has been part of this blog from the beginning: be kind to others, and make yourself happy. Nearly twenty years later, it still sounds simple. And it is still remarkably difficult.
This blog is called Konna Kimochi de Iraretara, which I shorten to Kon-kimo.
I started it on September 9, 2007, and today it finally enters its twentieth year.
These days I write every day almost as naturally as I breathe, so I no longer feel that it is particularly difficult. But longtime readers may remember that there were periods when I could hardly write at all, and others when I simply did not feel like writing.
Each time, many people encouraged me, and thanks to them I was able to keep putting down whatever happened to be on my mind.
So what is it that I have consistently written about through this blog?
What have I gained from it? And what, if anything, have I lost?
My daughter, who was one of the reasons I began this blog in the first place, is now a fully grown adult, working hard on the other side of the world.
As you might expect of a father and daughter, she has a slightly cynical streak that resembles mine. Fortunately, she has also inherited just the right amount of my wife’s kindness. She has friends she can trust, and from where I stand, that gives me some peace of mind.
Still, I sometimes wonder what possessed me to say to my elementary-school-aged daughter,
“You’re not very good at washing dishes, so you don’t have to do it.”
What kind of father says something like that?
I am fairly certain that this is one of the things I ought to apologize for before I die. I suppose my long-running apologies to my daughter are still not over.
That episode appeared in the very first post I wrote on this blog, on September 9, 2007.
Looking back at it now, I was a little surprised to find that the idea behind this blog was already there from the beginning. I wrote that if I could be kinder to other people, I might be happier myself — and that I wanted to try to treat not only my family, but even strangers I passed on the street, with kindness.
In other words, “Be kind to others, and make yourself happy” was not something I came up with years later. It was there on the very first day.
Perhaps that is exactly why the words “Be kind to others, and make yourself happy” have become a lifelong theme for me.
But it is not nearly as easy as it sounds.
I am still too hard on other people, and I often end up turning that harshness back on myself.
I do believe that making yourself happy can also help make other people happy. But the very meaning of happiness seems to be changing in today’s world, and it is no longer something that can be neatly summed up in a single phrase.
And yet, after keeping this blog going for all these years, I find myself thinking that Konna Kimochi de Iraretara really was a good title.
It suits a place where I can simply write down what I think and feel from day to day.
I am glad that today, of all days, I was able to realize that once again.
If I keep writing as I have until now, by the time another twenty years have passed, I will probably be nearing the end of my life.
Even so, I hope I will still be thinking about one thing after another each day — and writing some of it down.
What have I lost?
Nothing comes to mind, really, except the enormous amount of time I have spent writing.
But it was time I needed.
Twenty years of writing may have taken a great deal of time, but perhaps that time was never truly lost.
・・・
My First Blog Post — September 9, 2007
The brief cool spell after the typhoon was over almost immediately, and the heat returned.
Or rather, I suppose it was the humidity.
I had been fairly busy with a couple of small academic meetings over the previous two days.
Today, I had planned to spend the whole day with my daughter. But when she offered to help with the dishes, I said, “You don’t have to help,” because I thought she was not very good at washing them.
I ended up discouraging her just when she was trying to be helpful.
My wife prompted me to go back, so we washed the dishes together and I apologized.
Still, I know I hurt her.
Something similar happened at yesterday’s meeting, too. Lately, I seem to have been treating people more coldly than I should.
Something to reflect on.
If I could simply be kinder to other people, I think I would be happier myself.
And yet I keep forgetting that.
So today, I am going to try to be kind — to my family, and even to the strangers I pass on the street.
September 9, 2007
・・・
Vocabulary for Learners
longtime reader
Someone who has been reading a writer, blog, or publication for many years.
長年の読者、古くからの読者
cynical streak
A tendency to doubt people’s motives or to see things in a somewhat skeptical way.
少し皮肉っぽいところ、物事を冷めた目で見る傾向
penance
Something done to express regret for a past mistake or wrongdoing. Here it is used somewhat humorously.
償い、懺悔。ここでは少しユーモラスな意味合い
backlash
A negative reaction or consequence that comes back after something you have done.
反動、しっぺ返し
nearing the end of one’s life
Approaching the final stage of life. A softer expression than saying “close to death.”
人生の終わりに近づく、死期が近づく
#DailyBlog #LifeReflections #JapaneseLife #WritingLife #Kindness #Kamakura #JapanesePathologist
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