Watching the news the other day, I saw a man of fifty-seven who had just become the head of one of Japan’s major banks. He looked thoughtful, distinguished, and perfectly suited for the role. Seeing someone younger than myself in such a position made me reflect, once again, on what place a man in his sixties is supposed to occupy.
When I am working on diagnostic cases, life is simple enough. I only need to concentrate on the task in front of me. But outside that work, I sometimes wonder how I am expected to conduct myself.
Ten years ago, the senior doctors one generation above me seemed deeply authoritative. Now I have reached the age they were then.
The difference is that I grew older without acquiring the level of mastery they appeared to possess. So I know very well that I am not nearly as impressive as my age might suggest.
Even so, I try to be careful when communicating with younger colleagues.
They are probably seeing an imagined version of me rather than the real person, and I do not want to say anything careless that might make them unnecessarily hesitant.
The truth is that many of the younger people I admire know far more than I do in many areas. There is much I would gladly learn from them. Yet somehow, even saying so feels awkward.
I started this blog years ago in the hope of making the profession of pathology better known.
Recently, however, pathologists have become far more visible to the public, so that original purpose has largely been fulfilled.
Now I would like to write more about my own specialty.
The trouble is that my field is extremely narrow. If I described it too clearly, people would quickly say, “Ah, so it’s him.”
I doubt being identified would do much harm in itself.
Still, I work within an organization. If I were to write something foolish without realizing it and cause unnecessary trouble, it could reflect badly on my workplace. It might also disappoint younger people who have placed too much faith in me.
So, at least outwardly, I remain anonymous and continue writing under the name “Colo-ken.”
Perhaps all this is nothing more than needless worry.
Still, the more one thinks, the more troublesome life can become.
When I was young, I believed growing older would make life easier.
Instead, it seems that every age simply brings its own complications.
The thought of spending yet another day in this awkward position feels a little heavy.
And yet, it is somehow different from the gloom I felt when I was young.
Perhaps this is what needless worry truly is.
Every stage of life has its burdens, but some become lighter simply because we know them better.
・・・
Word Notes / Vocabulary
- awkward position = 微妙でややこしい立場
- needless worry = 取り越し苦労
- authoritative = 威厳がある、重みのある
- conduct myself = 振る舞う
- reflect badly on = ～の評判を悪くする
- fulfilled = 達成された
- complications = 面倒ごと、ややこしさ
- gloom = 憂鬱、気の重さ
No comments:
Post a Comment